If you’ve ever hosted Thanksgiving, you already know it’s not a “holiday.” It’s a full-contact sport. There will be butter in your hair, smoke in your oven, and at least one relative who thinks the turkey should’ve been in two hours ago. Before you find yourself whispering “Why do I do this to myself every year?” into the gravy, take comfort. You’re not alone.
Here are 15 universal truths every Thanksgiving host knows deep down in their mashed-potato-covered soul:
1. The Guest List Lies
When someone says, “It’ll just be us,” they’re lying. Somehow “us” multiplies like dinner rolls in a basket. By Thursday, you’ll be pulling folding chairs out of the garage.
2. The Turkey is a Drama Queen
You’ll spend days defrosting it, hours roasting it, and minutes holding your breath worrying it’s undercooked when the time comes to carve it. Then your brother-in-law will still ask for ketchup.
3. There’s Always One Overachiever
Someone will arrive with homemade cranberry chutney “they whipped up this morning” while you’re still in a butter-stained sweatshirt praying your mashed potatoes aren't lumpy.
4. Kids Will Suddenly Hate Everything They Ate Yesterday
Turkey? “Gross.” Mashed potatoes? “Yuck.” Pumpkin pie? “Smells weird.” Cool. Guess it’s goldfish and a roll for dinner, then.
 LSO Photo | Canva |
5. Someone Will Say “Let’s Not Talk Politics,” and Then Immediately Talk Politics
And that’s when you realize: no amount of gravy can fix this.
6. Your Dishwasher is the Real MVP
By the end of the day, it’s seen things no appliance should see.
We joke because hosting is hard, but we know how lucky we are to have a table to gather around.
However your Thanksgiving looks this year, may it come with warmth, laughter, and at least one side dish that turns out right.
7. The Dog Will Eat Like Royalty
Everyone swore they wouldn’t feed the dog this year. Cut to Grandma slipping turkey under the table while saying, “Just a little piece.”
 Milan Jovic | Canva |
8. There’s Always a Pie Crisis
Burnt crust, missing whipped cream, or that one person who insists pecan pie is “too sweet.” Okay, Cousin Debbie, then don’t eat it.
9. You’ll Regret Not Assigning Tasks
You’ll wave everyone off like a hero, and two hours later, you’ll be sweating over gravy, wondering why you do this to yourself every year.
10. The Table Will Never Be Big Enough
It’s a law of nature. You’ll end up eating off a card table with a “kid chair" and pretending it’s fine.
11. Someone Will Comment on Your Timing
“Oh, dinner’s a little late?” Thanks, Aunt Carol. I’m juggling 12 side dishes and a mini breakdown, but sure. Let’s discuss the schedule.
12. There Will Be a Wardrobe Change
Because no matter how carefully you planned your outfit, gravy finds a way.
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13. Leftovers are a Power Move
You’ll smile while packing them up for guests, knowing full well you’ve already hidden your favorites in the back of the fridge.
14. The Post-Meal Silence is Glorious
That moment when everyone’s finally full, the house smells like butter and chaos, and you can actually sit down? Bliss. Brief, but bliss.
15. You’ll Do it All Again Next Year
Because despite the stress, the spills, and the questionable cranberry “salad,” it’s worth it. These are the memories your family will laugh about forever... or at least until Christmas.
This article was written with help from ChatGPT, which has never hosted Thanksgiving, but has read enough mom group posts to understand the trauma.
